Sunday 5 April 2020


Keir Starmer and Angela Rayner have released video messages in response to their victories.  Keir Starmer was first up, releasing his before the official result had even become known.  This was a pre-recorded video due to the cancellation of the big unveiling.  Instead, the results were announced via email and the party's website, except the website crashed at around the time the announcement was due.

Sir Squeaky rattled on for more than eight minutes, mostly about coronavirus.  His leadership will surely provide great medicinal relief to insomniacs everywhere.

Keir Starmer (8min 39sec)

The new deputy leader was next up, speaking into her mobile phone.  Whereas Starmer comes across as slick and professional (albeit painfully dull), Angela Rayner's acceptance speech reveals the stark contrast between the two.  Her video is two minutes of blurry slurry cringe.

Angela Rayner (1min 52sec)

At the time of writing the only other candidate to release a personal video message has been deputy leadership candidate Richard Burgon.  As bubbly as ever, the grinning idiot was gracious in defeat and for once he avoided the socialist claptrap that had epitomized his comical campaign.  If Starmer has any sense he will send bungling Burgon packing to the backbenches.  Let's hope he doesn't.

Richard Burgon (1min 14sec)

Fourth placed deputy leadership candidate Ian Murray released a cheesy compilation video with captions, but he did not appear in it.  Rosena Allin-Khan, who finished second in the final round of the deputy contest, was very busy on Twitter today thanking her supporters in various tweets.  Lisa Nandy, who predictably picked up the wooden spoon in the main contest, tweeted a statement congratulating Starmer and Rayner.  She released her own thank you video two days ago after voting had ended.  Nandy will surely play a key role in Starmer's shadow cabinet.  Asides from her disastrous trans clash with Piers Morgan, she was easily the most consistent candidate during the campaign.

Rebecca Long-Bailey released a lengthy statement on her Facebook page minutes after the result was announced.  She screencapped the message and added it to a tweet a short time later (see below).  In the end Becky simply failed to inspire the membership in the same way that Corbyn did so decisively in both 2015 and 2016.  Her failure will undoubtedly lead to a period of hibernation for the hard left, but they will never go away entirely and nor will they relinquish their grip on the party easily.  Tough times are ahead for Starmer.

Dawn Butler, who finished last in the deputy contest, had nothing to say.  Nothing at all.